What the carrots are saying

I've often heard about people who see Jesus in their food--in their Cheetos or pancakes or chicken nuggets--and previously these accounts had inspired nothing more than bewildered amusement and maybe a chuckle. But lately, I've been finding myself a tad bit jealous. They get Jesus, and I get this . . .

a hot-dog-shaped carrot.

This strange little guy (which is actually making me a bit hungry at the moment) came straight out of a bag of baby carrots from the store. So imagine my surprise when I dug this out of the ground this week . . .

I don't know what image you see in this carrot, but I see fat legs in tight pants.

What are the carrots trying to tell me? We have been eating a lot of hot dogs lately--the real kind, not the carrot impostors--so perhaps they're telling me that eating hot dogs makes you look fat in your stretchy pants and I should stick to carrots instead. Ugh, why couldn't I have just seen Jesus on one of my zucchini instead?